Sunday, October 27, 2013

The booming female reconstruction business


I spent yesterday living the European life, sitting in the outdoor café of Tartine, a French brasserie that serves pastis, an Ouzo-like aperitif.  It was 68, probably the last weekend of the year that will be so nice.  It’s also the last weekend of wedding season.  As I sat there for an hour or so, sipping on my third pastis (did I mention that I really like pastis?), I watched three wedding parties driving around the square, honking horns and waving at everyone.  The whole experience started me thinking on the institution of marriage in Georgia.  I’ve already written about wedding protocols here, but this time I’ll take a slightly different approach to the subject.  I haven’t attached any pictures to this posting; read a little further and I think you’ll understand why. 

Georgia is a very conservative country.  It is a male-dominated society where the roles of women are very strictly defined.  Historically, women are encouraged to take husbands from the woman’s village.  That has its advantages:  the groom has been “vetted” over the years by the girl’s family, the young married couple will probably stay in the village (most likely in the groom’s family’s house), and the young bride has been pressured by society to maintain her innocence because she’s well known in her village.  This is important because one of the expectations for a new bride is virginity.  That’s becoming an issue in a country were the rate of illegitimate births is growing by bumps and grinds.  The issue is even more stressed when so many young Georgians come to the big city, Tbilisi, for school or jobs, but return to the villages to get married.  And lots of these émigrés to Tbilisi are young women who discover that their bubbles of dreams and hopes are not the only things getting pricked by city life. 

So what’s a young woman to do?  She doesn’t want to go against tradition by getting engaged to a boy from the city, an unknown to her family and neighbors in the village.  At the same time, she can’t risk returning to the village as “damaged goods.”  Thankfully, it’s Western technology to the rescue.

Recently in Tbilisi, several new clinics have opened to deal specifically with this problem.  They are called “obstetric reconstruction clinics” or “female aesthetic clinics.”  Their mission is simple:  they repair hymens, thus returning their young clients to a state of grace.  A sexual “get out of jail free” card, so to speak.  I’m not kidding you.  I have absolutely no idea how they do it.  I tried to figure it out, but I had a hard time focusing on the topic.  Well, I could focus on the “topic,” but not on the TOPIC, if you get what I’m saying. But, anyway, I digress.

Yes, Virginia, there is a sexual Santa Claus!  You simply make an appointment, pay up front, take a short anesthesia-induced nap, miss a day or so of work, and boom!  You’re ready for that trip back to the village.  My experts on the subject (meaning the two or three women I drink with at the Soviet Club, who may or may not have actual experience in this area) tell me that these clinics’ marketing strategy targets “athletically active” women who may have accidentally torn their hymens playing sports or riding horses.  Right.  Or to be more precise, Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.  It doesn’t cost much (about 900 Lari, roughly $540) and in some cases is even covered by insurance.  A small price to pay for a happy husband and an approving village.  According to my experts again, it’s all done no questions asked.  Well, except for one question, I guess:  do you have the money?  You do?  OK, go into room 2 and drop your pants.  (Which, truth be told, is what made the clinic necessary in the first place.)

And all this time I’ve been shaking my head at Georgia’s lack of technology and old fashioned mores.  Hmmm.  I wonder if the clinics handle male love handles? 
 
Thanks for reading.  And aren't you glad I didn't  post any pictures?